Saturday, 21 September 2019

Prancing predictions

It's a little bit embarrassing how much I've been humming the Strictly theme tune in my head this week, but hey - I'm excited! I'm a relatively new Strictly devotee, having only watched the whole of last year's series and half of the year before, but boy can I get invested fast. It also turns out that for someone who knows very little about dancing, I can be incredibly sniffy about performances which I don't feel are up to scratch.  This year I know virtually none of the contestants, so my judgemental predictions will be pulled entirely out of the air.

 Anneka and Kevin
OK, so who else thought Anneka would be dancing with Anton, in the usual 'older lady' pairing? Nope, in a surprise twist she gets last year's champion Kevin instead.  Maybe this is a sign that Anneka's got some potential?  After all, she's no Ann Widdecombe or Susannah Constantine, who ooze lack of rhythm from every pore.  Maybe she'll be the new Debbie McGee.  Either way, she should be in safe hands with Kevin, who has made it to the final five times.  While I don't exactly see Anneka getting that far, I have faith in Kevin's ability to pull off decent choreography.  He seems to know what suits his partners, even if they're not always the most natural dancer, without turning them into a pantomime (yes, I'm looking at you, Anton).
Anyway, Anneka and Kevin's first dance is the Cha Cha Cha, which for some reason I always thought was just the Cha Cha. It's not one that I could picture immediately, so off I went to YouTube to look at Cha Cha Chas of days past.  From what I saw, it's a nice kicky fast-paced type with lots of dancing apart rather than in hold, so there's nowhere to hide and a definite need to be in sync.  Anneka seems more keen on her coffee break than her Cuban break, but Kevin seems positive as usual. We'll see!

 Catherine and Johannes

Both these lovely people are totally new to me, so I've only got my first impressions to go on. I have a sneaking feeling that Catherine will end up being quite good - a likeable everywoman can go far on this show!  This is Johannes's first time being paired with a celebrity, and he seems adorable and in control.  As for their dance, a Viennese waltz is not my favourite thing to watch, primarily because I find it harder to tell if it was any good or not, especially if the celebrity is the female and therefore not leading the dance. I find that I get a general impression of a lovely flowing dress and the lady getting whirled around the floor, and short of any absolute disasters (falling over, someone's hair extensions catching fire) the waltzes all seem much of a muchness.  However, Johannes is assuring us that the Viennese waltz is one of the hardest dances in ballroom, so I'll try not to be too strict.

 Chris and Karen
See!  Chris is surprised that there are three Chas in Cha Cha Cha, too.  Chris is a comedian with whom I'm not familiar, but it'll be interesting to see how he measures up to Strictly comedians of series past - will he be a surprise hit like Susan Calman and make it to week 10 (week 10!)?  Let's hope he doesn't suffer the fate of last year's Seann Walsh, who - well, the less said about that, the better. Much like Anneka, he should be pleased with his dance partner, Karen, whose dance style I really like.  She pulled out all the stops last year with Charles Venn, who seemed doomed to end up in the bottom two despite being a decent dancer, and their routines really shone as a result. Chris and Karen are dancing their Cha Cha Cha to Juice by Lizzo, which is an absolute banger and will hopefully be good fun.

 Emma and Aljaž
Here's someone I had already heard of, Emma Weymouth, or Emma Thynn, Viscountess Weymouth, thanks to her being the first black viscountess in the UK, ie serious aristocracy, complete with 'eccentric' relatives (I'm putting this mildly) and, er, lions. She also hangs out with Idris Elba! I have no strong opinions on the pairing of Emma with Aljaž, as she seems nice enough and Aljaž is one of the most endearingly hammy people on the planet.  He and Janette seem like a very, very happy couple all the time, which is nice for them and slightly exhausting for us. Anyway, Emma and Aljaž are also doing a Cha Cha Cha, which seems a bit excessive. Emma's reaction to this news was a hilarious "Oooh!... Fun...?" which Aljaž understood as happiness and I understood as suppressed horror. However, from the tiny snippet of dancing we see in their video, she seems to be doing fine, and I'm predicting she'll be decent. They're dancing to Tom Jones's She's a Lady - see what they did there? Like I said, hammy and endearing.

 David and Nadiya
I'm not a football fan, but I just about know that David James is a former goalkeeper, and is also very tall? It's therefore unsurprising that he's been paired with Nadiya, who is I think one of the taller dancers. Sportsmen/women are always interesting on Strictly, because they should all have a healthy sense of competition and discipline, but at the same time there's no reason a good goalkeeper would necessarily make a good dancer.  That said, last year cricketer Graeme Swann was one of my favourites, helped along by sheer enthusiasm and hard work.  If David's anything similar, it should be fun, at least! If not, Nadiya is very good at disguising her partners' missteps with lots of leggy hair-tossing. I am slightly concerned about the song choice - Three Lions? Really? It's also a foxtrot, which is a bit of an odd one for me - lots of holding closed position, but quite brisk and light, as far as I can tell? Nadiya says that this one is also quite a difficult dance. Good luck!

 Alex and Neil
Once again, I'm not a football fan, so I can't say I know Alex at all, but for some reason I think she'll be good? This is based on pretty much nothing, although she's certainly done her research and maybe as a former footballer she might have some nifty footwork. That would also be useful for the quickstep they're doing this week, which involves lots of speedy travelling across the dancefloor and little jumpy, kicky steps - very Fred Astaire. The Fred to Alex's Ginge, then, is Neil, who is partnered with a celebrity for the first time this year and is also the (soon-to-be?) ex Mr Katya Jones. Hm. Maybe let's not get too deep into that, but it strikes me that Neil has been consistently good at placing himself very centrally in any big group gatherings like when they shimmy around in the Clauditorium, so maybe that's how he's made it to the major leagues this time. Alex and Neil are dancing their quickstep to Frank Sinatra, which makes a lot of sense to me and I'm picturing something very classic and smooth.

 Karim and Amy
I had to do some research on Karim here, as I am very much not part of his usual audience, which is specifically CBBC viewers.  Ahh, CBBC, such memories. He is 19, which is not far off the target age for CBBC anyway (God I'm getting old if I'm making that kind of comment), and has acted in various things but is mainly a presenter these days. However, my research has also told me that he's been in stage productions, and is therefore definitely professionally trained and the whole thing is rigged etc etc. No, in all honesty this year's lineup seems fairly devoid of experienced dancers - can we all be honest now and admit that Ashley was 100% a pro? - and I think Karim will do fine. His dance partner Amy had a bit of a disappointing series last year, which started out promisingly with Danny John-Jules but sadly disintegrated thanks to a dodgy quickstep and rumours of discord between the pair. Still, as someone from Wales I have a soft spot for Caerphilly-born Amy and I think she and Karim will make a good combo. Guess what dance they're doing? Yet another Cha Cha Cha. And it's to a Shawn Mendes song that I am too old to know (I'm 25). I'm sure these youths will boogie on down.

 Mike and Katya
Well. Like many people, I am only familiar with Mike thanks to his impressive interviewing skills, and I have to say I'm not convinced that his Strictly talents will be quite as good. From what I spotted in the big group dance, Katya might have her work cut out for her.  That said, I've always loved Katya's choreography and I think she knows how to work around any weaknesses in her partners. Mike looks like he's been working very, very hard, which is always nice to see, although it also looks like it's been quite a struggle. They're doing a jive, which is one of my absolute favourite dances - I still remember Alexandra Burke's Proud Mary jive! - and it's such high energy, which is simply fun to watch. My overall prediction is that Mike will try his very best, and we'll love him for it, but it might not be the most polished performance.

 Saffron and AJ
Did we all predict Saffron and AJ being paired up? It's not that surprising - she's 19 (again with these youngsters!) and so it makes sense to put her with angelic AJ just to avoid the creep factor. I'm a tad too old for the YouTube generation so I'd never heard of Saffron before, but after Joe Sugg's success last year I'm happily keeping an open mind.  They're going to do a tango, which is exciting, and the song is Lips Are Moving by Meghan Trainor, which is less exciting. The constant sharp head-turns of this dance make me dizzy just watching, and I'm not entirely convinced that this particular pair will be able to pull off the sexiness of a tango? I'm concerned that they'll look a bit too Barbie and Ken. However, I love to be surprised!

 Emma and Anton
Here is another of our slightly surprising pairings, Emma and Anton. I vaguely knew Emma as Honey from EastEnders many moons ago, and for some reason I've decided that she's going to be good. This is annoying, not regarding Emma personally, but I generally prefer Anton's partners to be gone as soon as possible.  However, I may have to suck it up. Anton himself is apparently thrilled with the fact that his partner 'has all her own teeth' - ouch, Anton, but also LOL. Emma is giving it her slightly wild-eyed all, and I think she's in it to get as far as she can, so good for you, girl. She and Anton are doing a jive - yay! - to Honey Honey by ABBA - see what they did there? I love that song and I'm expecting something peppy and competent.

 Dev and Dianne
I just about remember Dev from 2017's Celebrity Masterchef, where he was perfectly likeable, and he certainly gets points from me for his honest reaction to the thrilling news that he'll be dancing a foxtrot - "I'm saying yay, I don't know what it is". Dianne seems happy to teach him, and I think they make a good pair. I wonder if we might end up with an unusual situation where viewers will vote for their favourite professional? I'm not saying that people won't vote for Dev on his own,  but there are certainly major fans of Joe Sugg out there, who are then fans of Dianne (his girlfriend and former Strictly partner) by association. That said, I don't think Dev will need a popular partner to do well - he looks like he's working hard and there's no reason he shouldn't make a capable dancer.

 Michelle and Giovanni
Much to my shame, I have never seen Drag Race, but I don't live in a vacuum, so I am vaguely aware of Michelle Visage. I could watch the little clip above for hours - there's so much to focus on! Michelle's amazing glasses, Giovanni's annoying backwards cap, Michelle's great accent, Giovanni looking somewhat testy during rehearsals and sounding slightly unenthusiastic when Michelle asks him how she's doing... Hm. I'm slightly concerned for Michelle's fate here, but I'm sure she'll be very entertaining nonetheless. They're doing a Cha Cha Cha, because of course they are, and it'll be to So Emotional by Whitney Houston.  I do feel sorry for any singers having to cover a Whitney song. Pray for the Strictly singers. 

Kelvin and Oti
Poor Kelvin here was drafted in last minute to replace Jamie Laing of Made in Chelsea fame, which has got to be rough. As a sidenote, I was quite disappointed not to see Jamie - not because I'm a diehard Made in Chelsea fan, but because he's been surprisingly entertaining on other shows and I thought that he and Oti would be a good pair. It's no wonder then that Kelvin looks a tad overwhelmed at being faced with a samba, complete with shimmying and booty-popping. We all know that Oti's a good (strict) teacher so I'm sure Kelvin will rise to the challenge. 

James and Luba
I am familiar with rower James Cracknell, less familiar with Luba - as far as I can tell this is the first time she's been paired with a celebrity? Being a rower should mean that James has a sense of rhythm, at least, and the strength to do some fancy lifts should the need arise, but at the same time his nervous laugh at the word "tango" doesn't fill me with confidence. However, my initial impression was that he's very competitive - the double Olympic gold medals might have something to do with that - and so he might be good just out of sheer determination. He's very tall (6"4) which can look good on the dancefloor, as long as things don't go too Jeremy Vine.  James and Luba's tango is to Gold by Spandau Ballet, which is always a crowd-pleaser. 

 Will and Janette
Will is a Paralympian table tennis champion, and in my background research I found that he received a yellow card for celebrating his Rio 2016 gold by jumping onto the table, which seems frankly mean-spirited.  Justice for Will! He seems similarly exuberant in rehearsals with Janette, which is promising for his quickstep. I also think it's great that Strictly has had Paralympians competing in the past three series who seem to have all been judged really fairly with very little fuss.  Will and Janette are dancing to Pencil Full of Lead by Paolo Nutini, which I think is that fast one that plays over every comic scene in a sitcom ever. 

Overall, it's looking like there aren't many we can accuse of being trained "professionals" unlike last year, which is both good and bad - good in the sense that yes, everyone should start out on a level playing field, and bad in the sense that good dancers give great performances which are fun to watch. This way there's more scope for improvement, and we all love a Strictly "journey"! 
And will the so-called Curse strike again?  It feels like tabloids link certain dancers to their celebrity partners every year, and most of the time nothing ever comes of it.  I don't really like gossiping about actual infidelity, and last year's main scandal left a very nasty taste in the mouth.  I do love a simple romance, though, where both partners are single, meet on Strictly and live happily ever after, but I'm not seeing much potential this year.  There again, who knows what magic the glitterball can bring? I for one can't wait. 

Twitter: @ComePrancing

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